Random Mom

Children are busier than ever.  Early morning hockey and swimming practices, after-school sports activities, religious obligations, and maybe even after-school employment or volunteer responsibilities compete for their time.  Schedules can become overwhelmed and not allow enough time to do everything, so some families find that they skimp and relax the rules for homework.

However, some parents take it much farther than just allowing their children to skip homework.  They step in and do it themselves.

In a national Ask.com survey, 778 parents were asked if they do their children’s homework for them.  Here are the surprising results.

• 87 percent of parents in the south admitted to doing their child’s homework.

• 43 percent of parents nationwide admitted to doing their kid’s homework.

• 47 percent of dads nationwide did their children’s homework.

• 39 percent of moms nationwide did their children’s homework.

• 38 percent of the homework done by parents is math.

• 28 percent of the homework done by parents is English.

The study found that some parents did the homework themselves to relieve their children’s schedules, but others completed the work for an even more dubious reason: higher grades.

*dragging soapbox to the front of the audience*

I have never, and will never complete my children’s work for them.  I repeat, haven’t ever done it and will never do it.  If they’re
overscheduled, it is my job as a parent to step in and relieve some of the extracurricular stressors.  Doing the work of my children helps them in no way long-term.  However, it does teach them to say “Yes” to every opportunity, except school.  In my humble opinion, it also teaches them that they don’t actually have to work hard, someone will always be there to pick up their slack, and that it is OK to cheat.  Yes, even if you believe you have a good reason for completing your child’s homework, it’s still cheating.

*putting soapbox back into corner*

Please don’t misunderstand me.  Helping children with homework is not the same as doing the work for them.  I help, in fact, I teach (two of mine are homeschooled), but I do not give them quiz and test answers or complete homework for the two who are in brick-and-mortar schools.  Parental guidance and involvement are absolutely required for most children, but by definition, guidance does not mean doing the work on someone else’s behalf.

Some homework “helper” excuses:

“She’s busy with [insert activity here] and knows the subject matter.  I’m just helping them, since they’re short on time.”

“We were at a PTO activity and got home late.  It wasn’t their fault that I had to drag them along.”

“Homework isn’t that important.  What’s important is the classroom instruction.”

“They’re unable to focus for long periods of time.”

“They get too much homework!”

“The assignments aren’t engaging.”

“They get good grades and already know the content.”

If you find that you’re completing your child’s homework, or have considered it, try these 10 tips from blogger Julie Rains:

1. Start now with the it’s-your-homework-not-mine stance when (hopefully) the stakes are low, rather than in high school when grades start to matter. Remind yourself that having your child take responsibility is much more important than getting the answers right every time.

2. If the work seems overwhelming and your child is anxious, show your child how to calm down and tackle each assignment. This is a good opportunity to teach time and stress management.

3. Find and use resources. For example, when my son was having difficulty understanding double-digit subtraction and parents were instructed not to use the term “take-away” as I was taught at his age, I went to the math book’s website. There I found an animation that explained the proper methods and terminology; my son and I watched the subtraction segment over and over until he (and I!) finally understood the process.

4. Let your child ask a friend for help. Kids tend to relate to each other better than adults, especially when they have been sitting in the same classroom or learning the same material. My child’s middle school encouraged this behavior and set up teacher-supervised, kid-to-kid tutoring sessions. Not all friends will be able to help but those who truly understand the material will probably be better helpers than parents.

5. Encourage your child to ask the teacher for help. Some teachers have time set aside to give extra help to students, either right before or after school, or during times dedicated to independent work.

6. Figure out where your child needs extra guidance and give assistance for certain subjects, but not all classes. Younger kids may not have learned what approaches work for them, so they may need some help in figuring out how to tackle a new subject. If they can develop independence in at least one area of homework, they are more likely to learn how to do homework in other areas.

7. Teach project management. One of the biggest areas of homework frustration at my house, especially in the elementary school years, was the project. In some classes, teachers actually broke down projects into manageable, doable, understandable steps. This approach taught project management (there were steps and timelines with due dates!) for which I am most grateful. But if the assignment isn’t that clear, you may need to help with project planning.

8. Let your child make mistakes. Even if you see (or think you see) an error, don’t correct the homework. If your child consistently hands in perfect homework, the teacher may make the reasonable assumption that your child doesn’t need help and that the student (and possibly the entire class) can move forward with new concepts; if the class does move forward (and your child doesn’t grasp earlier concepts), you’ll likely get stuck with perpetual homework helping.

9. Show your child how to find and evaluate resources needed for assignments. For example, when my kids needed to write on current events in Europe, I pointed them to BBC rather than the international section of our local newspaper.

10. Get the answer wrong. I stumbled upon this approach when my oldest son was taking Geometry in third grade, and it’s perhaps my best advice. I have some sort of visual-spatial deficit so my assistance with this particular subject was useless. Fortunately, he then turned to his teacher, who taught him strategies that helped him to overcome any geometry-related deficiencies that he may have inherited.

If you’re considering picking up a pencil or logging onto the computer to complete your child’s assignment, ask yourself if you’re teaching them a respectable virtue then proceed as your conscience allows.

CC

Resources

Going to School - PBS

How to Motivate Your Kids to Do Homework – News for Parents

I once read the statement, “The more you worry, the less faith you have”.  Ouch!  That’s convicting.  I have great faith; enough to cover me and countless friends and family members, but I still worry at times.  Some of the things that I worry about are small, but others are large.

“Where will we go for vacation?”  

“Will I have enough time to complete my to-do list?”

“Will I make it to my destination on time?” 

“Am I a good wife, parent, and friend?”

“Are my prayers bold?”

“Do I pray enough?” 

“Will my children always follow God?” 

When I catch myself feeling guilty (convicted) for having the audacity to stress out about things over which God reigns, I worry that I don’t have enough faith.

Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”.

I am thankful for the knowledge that not only does He hear our prayers and know our thoughts, but He has already worked out all of the details and He knows what we need before we know what we need.

The song below was suggested by a former manager at work.  It aided me during some very tough times and still reminds me that God is sovereign, there’s nothing He can’t do, and He provides our every need in perfect timing.  I need to take my worries to the Lord in prayer.

CC

Do you remember when you didn’t have to keep up with gas prices?  When the expense was more of an incidental than a budgeted line item?  I do.

When I bought my first car, gas was somewhere around 89 cents per gallon. Ten buckaroos bought a fill-up in those days.  That was ice cream money by today’s standards.

Fast forward to today.  I was down to 1/4 tank today and every station in town and neighboring cities was selling gas for $3.79.  I kept thinking about how I should have made a U-turn to fill up at the station near my house that advertised a gallon of regular gas for $3.59.  However, if I was going to get where I was headed, I couldn’t make an additional stop.  So I headed toward my destination with what I had left.

Good things come to those who wait?  Sort of…  When I approached home on the return trip, the station that was selling gas gasoline for $3.59 per gallon had only increased by 2 cents per gallon, not 20 cents like everyone else!  To make the deal even better, I saved 30 cents per gallon with my grocery store loyalty card, so today’s fill-up was a bargain basement $3.31 per gallon.

I am thankful for cheap gas today.  I have a 250-mile drive ahead of me tomorrow and the thought of making it with gas prices hovering around $4 per gallon makes me ill.

Father,

Thank You for giving me the patience to keep going this morning and the fuel efficiency to make it possible to make the trip without having to spend more than necessary.  I pray for the people who have to make tough decisions about their quality of life as an effect of increasing fuel prices.  Please give them a sense of peace in knowing that You will provide all of their needs.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC

Today, we celebrated another birthday as our oldest daughter turned fourteen.  Gosh, we’re getting old(er)!  As is tradition, we gathered around the dining room table, dimmed the lights, and sang the birthday song.  Burning candles were extinguished, pictures were taken, jokes were told, and cake and ice cream were dished out to everyone who wanted some.  I passed for the time being, but made no promises to lay off the cake on a long-term basis.

Birthdays are always so special to us.  While we’ve had parties on the rare occasion that the kids request them, we always spend time celebrating as a family.    There’s something to be said for not commercializing the birthday experience.  Birthdays are celebrations of life and we praise God for allowing us to be here for a new day.

I am thankful for having four very healthy children and grateful for being able to celebrate another birthday in my family.

Father,

Thank You for giving me another day with all of my  children.  I praise You for choosing to keep them all safe and healthy and ask that You continue to bless them abundantly.  I pray that the birthday girl continues to draw closer to You and will someday make the decision to be baptized in You, so that she may be born again and may enjoy celebrating a new kind of birthday.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC

I love my church.  The people, not the building.  My church home is the first one in which I’ve taken a serious interest – that’s saying a lot considering I grew up spending two days per week in a place of worship and one at a congregant’s home for “book study”.  The people at my church are welcoming, the teen and elementary departments are amazing, and the organization is missions-oriented.

I also love the pastors who lead us.  They’re a dynamic group of down-to-earth people who are excellent Bible teachers and worship leaders.  I appreciate that Sunday and Wednesday services are God-centric and Bible-focused.  I need that.  I need to hear about God.  I need to hear about how I can continue to draw closer to Him.  I need to learn about His promises to believers.  I need to learn more about how I can be the hands and feet of the body of Christ.  I need to know how I can help my children draw closer to Him.  My pastors help me with all of these things.

I’ve been to many churches where Bibles are rarely opened or referenced and teachings from the pulpit sound more like ridicule than inspiration.  Oh, and let’s not forget Bible verses that are taken out of context.  I visited, but never stayed.  I wanted more of God and less of man.

That’s why He led me to my church home.  I’ve unpacked, painted the walls, and made myself at home.  If the building is lost, I’ll be OK, because I know that members of my church would hold service in the parking lot and God will meet us there as He always meets us wherever we are.

Father,

Thank You for leading me to the place where I go to learn more about You and worship with other believers.  I pray for the future of the people within the building – pastors and congregants.  I know that You have great things in store for us.  Please help us to remain in You and not focused on the details of changes that You have brought about within our building.  In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!

CC

Electronics provide the preferred methods of entertainment in my house.  Computers, telephones, televisions, video game systems.  Oh, my!  We’re all guilty of over-usage.  So when we made a trip to the mountains for spring break last year, it was a welcome change of pace to be free of at least two of our digital addictions: telephones and Internet.

The telephones in the house didn’t ring, because we didn’t learn the numbers to give them to anyone.  Most cell phone calls went  unanswered as well, because no one wanted to spend their vacation on the telephone.  However, I did answer a call from my mom who wanted to make sure we had arrived safely.

Having an anemic Internet signal wasn’t part of the plan, but I am grateful for the experience, because it was conducive to more interaction amongst all of us.  Despite the kids having packed their video game systems, we rediscovered our love for board games.  That reignited passion continued when we returned home as the kids often asked the family to gather to play one of their new, low-tech gaming favorites – Bananagrams.

I am thankful for an extended period quality family time and am looking forward to more of it soon.  No schoolwork, no professional work, no chores, no after-school activities, no doctor’s appointments, no real obligations.  Just a time of purely focusing one another is a blessed gift to have received.

Father,

Thank You for the quiet time that You allowed us to have away from the busyness that typically defines us.  That time provided much-needed renewal for all of us and I am thankful that the children had an amazing retreat.  I pray that this year’s trip will be just as blessed.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC

The title says it all.  I am thankful for God’s power to heal.  Without going into much detail, suffice it to say that if it’s not one health concern, it’s another.  While getting ready to leave for a dinner date with my husband earlier this evening, I had to summon him to my side twice to literally help get me on my feet.  The pain that I experienced was the worst that I can remember for this particular ailment and it lasted longer than ever.  Through tears and with His help, I was able to pull myself together and go on my way to enjoy a wonderful dinner and conversation with my dear husband.

I am thankful for God’s healing.

Father,

I pray that You will choose to heal me of the various health concerns that I face each day.  You know each challenge and have made it possible for me to be independent and mobile thus far.  My life is in Your hands, Lord, to do as You will.  I am thankful for good the health of my husband and children.  I pray that You will keep them healthy.  I pray for the family of a church member who received devastating news today.  Please comfort their family during this difficult time.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC

I’m not a fan of cooking – at all, but someone has to feed my family long-term.  I drew the short straw, so this gig is mine forever.  I traded in my straw for a chef’s hat and committed to putting a meal on the dinner table nearly every night of the week; my husband is responsible for dinner on Saturdays, which means we are nearly guaranteed a treat to a restaurant.  Someone else plans.  Someone else shops. Someone else cooks.  Someone else serves.  Someone else cleans.  Works for me!

Friends and family often suffer through my complaints about cooking.  Make no mistake, I feel truly blessed to be able to feed my family, but I usually lack motivation to get started. I don’t know if it’s because I sometimes have to leave home soon after dinner to drop a kid off at an activity, so I’m in a hurry.  Or, if it’s because I as soon as I leave my paying job, I go directly to the kitchen to cook – no time to wind down from the day.  Or, if it’s because I don’t always have my monthly meal plan posted and am under pressure to come up with something fast and good.  Whatever the reason, I get it done, and most of the time, it’s pretty awesome!  I know this because frequent silence during dinner means that everyone loves what’s on their plate.  Talking begins after plates have been cleaned. Everyone is happy!

On Tuesday evening, I managed to whip up something new for dinner…stuffed peppers.  The recipe that I had seemed simple enough, so I became Martha Stewart for that brief moment in time.  I chose four colors of bell peppers (green, orange, red, and yell0w), prepared the recipe with a few modifications, snapped a few photos (in case I wanted to share my masterpiece with others online), and dished out servings for everyone.

They were excited about how colorful dinner was and were eager to try the stuffed peppers.  Well, most of them.  My husband isn’t adventurous when it comes to trying something new, so he sat and watched the rest of us chow on my newest creation.  Once he was convinced that my new-fangled entree was edible, he plated one for himself.  The next day, his aunt asked if I cook often and he made me look good by telling her about how tasty Tuesday’s dinner had been.

Cooking is still a journey for me.  I got a late start in the kitchen, so in my early adult years, I depended heavily upon cereal and frozen food.  My poor kids spent the first few years of their lives eating this as well.  Now that I know my way around my own kitchen, the kids (and my husband) expect me to step up my game every now and then – and they let me know how displeased they are when I call for a “free-for-all”.  That’s when I tell everyone to feed themselves by opening a can or box of whatever and leave mommy/wife out of the “what’s for dinner?” dilemma.

I am thankful that I have been able to enhance my cooking skills and no longer rely on cereal to sustain my family.  We still eat a lot of cereal, but for breakfast only.  Oh, and I haven’t totally given up frozen food, but I do have enough skills to make it my own if the mood strikes me.

Father,

Thank you for supplying my family’s nutritional needs.  I ask for Your help in not complaining about the blessings that You provide for us.  I pray for Your guidance as I continue to evolve in respect to being creative with meals.  Please help me to pass along what I know to my children, so that if they choose, they, too, will be able to create a good meal for their loved ones.  I pray for those who are less fortunate.  If it is Your will for me to help them, please help me to discern my role and recognize their needs.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC

Today’s high temperature was just below 60 degrees.  Not bad for February 22nd.  Forecasters have called for a high of 61 degrees tomorrow.  Woo hoo!

Like most of the United States, we’ve enjoyed a mild winter and very little snowfall.  If you’re a fan of snow, you’d likely disagree with my choice of the word “enjoyed” and replace it with “suffered”.  Half empty.  Half full.  

I, for one, am happy about the warm weather we’ve experienced, because anything under 65 degrees is cold to me, and I don’t like cold weather.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a few stretches of bitterly cold air and high winds, but haven’t had to deal with traditional Midwestern winter weather.  No shoveling necessary!  My kind of winter.

Besides not having to traipse through snow or shovel it, the warm weather has been a beacon of hope for me.  Hope that the warm weather and bright sunlight are right around the corner.  Hope that I will soon be able to leave the outerwear at home, watch buds begin to blossom, witness dormant grass bounce back to life, and enjoy longer days.  Hope of a new season in life.

I am thankful for the previews of the season to come.

Father,

Thank you for the incredible weather that we’ve had this winter.  The warm temperatures have undoubtedly saved lives as homeless people weren’t at the usual high risk of cold-weather medical emergencies.  I pray for their continued well-being and safety and look forward to the new season that’s just ahead.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC

Can you imagine a world without fresh produce?  For most of us, it’s hard to fathom.

I don’t pay much attention to the fact that I can get most produce year-round, even the stuff that’s out of season.  A commercial about produce imported from Chile runs often this time of year in my area to inform consumers about where some of our produce comes from during winter months.  The grapes that I buy during the coldest months happen to come from Chile.  The bell peppers that I used to make stuffed peppers for tonight’s dinner were imported from Mexico.  The strawberries that I used for a Valentine’s Day dessert were imported as well.  I am thankful for having access to just about any food item that I want when I want as long – as I don’t have stipulations on country or state of origin.

Getting whatever, whenever is a privilege not to be taken lightly.  Not only do I get to enjoy out-of-season produce, I can walk or drive to the closest grocery store to get it.  Anything that I want or need is within a reasonable distance and it’s available in relatively abundant supplies.  I can buy as much as my family needs for a given period of time and if I forget to pick up an item or need to run out sooner than planned, I can simply go back to the store to get it.

When I stop to imagine a place where grocery stores have never existed, roadside farmers’ markets aren’t available, water is scarce, and soil is not fertile, I can’t help but to pray that God uses those of us who do have these things to help make them available for our fellow brothers and sisters.  I thank God for choosing to put me where I am now.  After all, I know full well that I could be living in a place where life-sustaining food is a mirage.

Father,

Thank You for providing me with all of life’s necessities and for allowing them to be within reach physically.  I pray that I never take for granted the things that You have provided.  I am thankful for every meal that I’m able to put on the table for my family.  I pray that the Christian community continues to reach out to those who are less fortunate and not grow content with the poverty that has a stronghold in distant parts of the world and in our own communities.  Please use me to help meet the needs of those who can’t readily help themselves.  I pray that my world view is always bigger than the  people, places, and things that I can see from a reasonable distance.  I ask all of these things in Jesus’ name, Amen!

CC